Month: May 2015

Where will I meet him?

The one who will help me forget my feelings for my ex, the one who will truly care for me and treat me well and the one I can fall for and laugh with daily… Where is he?

So far he’s certainly not been online, in clubs/bars, work or the gym. Should I take up a new hobby or venture to new places!? But then that wouldn’t be me and I’d be going places or doing things I wouldn’t normally do or might not have a high interest in just to meet someone.

Sometimes there is some eye candy in the gym but who really meets someone there? How would you start a conversation or approach someone? No one wants to be chatted up when all sweaty and in a routine of working out do they? I’d probably fall off the machine and be clumsy if someone did that anyways haha, that’s the girl in me!

I want to have that feeling when you first meet a someone you really like the look of and someone who likes to have fun and get to know you. I want to feel that click again!

 Patience  is running away I feel. Other things are getting me down at the moment from finances to home situation to holiday plans and friends so it’s difficult to stay positive. That’s why I’m here though as I’m hoping by getting feelings out in the way of a blog I’ll feel a bit lighter and relieved.

I’m off to Manchester on Friday to visit a couple of crazy uni friends and it’s so needed. Comedy night on Friday followed by a mad uni style night out on Saturday, it’s going to be messy and lots of dancing and shots. Perfect and just what I need right now! Bring it on!

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Led on…

Starting the day with anger is never good but it’s happened today. I’m still angry about being led on but the recent guy I was seeing but this morning I’ve noticed he’s back on pof and has changed his intent from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘dating but nothing serious’. At least he will be honest with future dates but why did I have to be the one that was led on?! Also he’s deleted me off facebook!

So I haven’t responded to his last message as I was hurt but more annoyed at letting myself get led on again! I really didn’t see it coming with him though as he was the one making plans, wanting to go on holiday and he said he’s been the happiest he’s been. He actually seemed a nice genuine guy. To be honest that was something I was unsure about as thought he was too nice. I know guys can’t win can they?! But how wrong was I?!

  

There’s a possibility I will bump into him at the gym so I’m going to be strong and ignore him as he should’ve messaged me again if he cared at all to see how I was after his revelation but instead he deletes me from his life. Argh!

I’m worried I’m going to really hold back from future dating now and be worried when I should just be able to try and enjoy it. When and where will I meet the one?!

Xoxo

Moving on and forgiveness

So here I am trying to move on and scrolling through the dating sites on a daily basis but behind all of that I’m struggling…struggling to forgive myself and struggling to move on.

  
I came out of a 6 year relationship a year ago and as all the feelings from last year are flooding back so are the thoughts and moments I find hard to forget and forgive. Moments of forgiveness for myself. My ex wasn’t an angel in our relationship and it was rocky for some time with various issues but he was my best friend so we should’ve worked harder at it and seen a counsellor and fought for us. Unfortunately I enjoyed attention from elsewhere to help me through the tough times and it was ultimately that which broke my ex and me up.

I need to remember all the hurt I experienced from him over the years at times though too and not put too much weight on my own shoulders for the mistakes that I made at the end. We have a dog together so are very much still in eachother’s lives and have to talk now and then and even see eachother from time to time. It’s taken me a while to realise but I do want to be without him and I would give anything to have one last shot at us. I felt we gave up, or I did, too easily last year and never tried to make another go of it. After everything we had been through I owed it one last shot but it didn’t happen. Perhaps it wasn’t supposed to happen and it’s not meant to be? I do have a feeling there’s unfinished business but then again I don’t think I will get another chance again.

He met someone else and moved her into where we once lived together. He moved her in 3 months after meeting her. How heart breaking is that?! So soon! They’ve now been together about 7 months and are all loved up. It’s his birthday and what would’ve been our 7 year anniversary next week and on top of that he’s going on holiday with her. My emotions are all over the place now but next week I really need to keep myself distracted as much as possible as it will be hard especially seeing all of her facebook photos tagging him in all happy. Everyone tells me she’s nothing on me and I do think she’s a bit gross and she’s very childlike and immature but there’s nothing I can do. It’s hard having to go to the house regularly and collect/drop off my dog with the shared custody we have agreed between us so it’s stopping me from moving on.

I wanted to share this with you all so you know how I’m feeling so it may explain some other actions and feelings in posts about future dating etc.

The questions I now ask are; should I completely give up hoping there’s a slim slim chance my ex and me could get back together? How do I move on?

Plenty of fish in the sea…

This is true, there really are plenty of fish in the sea but when you’re separated your salmon from your slippy eels you’re really not left with much to fish with! That’s my experience on pof (plenty of fish) anyways.

I get very odd messages from guys, today’s latest one is a man thinking he’s a caveman which you’ll see below! Does this really work and get responses normally for them?! My hopes are dwindling by the day but it’s addictive to log on like I’d go into facebook or Instagram or Twitter, yes I’m a bit of a social media addict if you couldn’t tell!

 

If it’s not an odd message it’s just a hi or hey. I’ve even written in my profile now to not message just saying hi as I won’t respond and I still get those messages, proves that guys aren’t actually reading the profiles properly…

There is one guy I’ve messaged a few times over the weekend who is actually easy to chat to and funny but he doesn’t live too close by, typical. Still it’s nice to chat to someone for now who isn’t a complete moron!

Comment with experiences you’ve had as I’d love to hear about them and know I’m not the only one. Also I’m interested in hearing from a guy about their experiences too.

Swiping left…

That is a regular motion in the Tinder world of online dating! Am I too fussy? Are my standards too high? Am I trying to find someone similar to my ex? What do I want?

I rarely swipe right but when I do the guy doesn’t have much conversation at all. Why swipe right and be in a dating site if you’re not going to be chatty? 

Also the devastating move of actually noticing someone you like but you’re in a routine of swiping left and that’s what you do…nooooooo! It’s a heart stopping moment but not much you can do there! 

 

Welcome to my blogging world

This is my first blog! The reason for creating a blog is to see if it helps me put my feelings and thoughts somewhere in a regular basis rather than bottle them up. I’m the type of person that comes across as string but then has a lot of layers of sadness hidden away. I hate showing sad emotions and do not want to worry people or to get pity from people. I know that isn’t very healthy but that’s me!

This blog will also feature lots of random thoughts and experiences from my daily life so I hope it will be entertaining and something that some people can relate to and create discussion/comments.

All about me

So a little bit about me as it’s my first blog. I am 28 years of age and I live in a small village just outside of Oxford City centre. I work for the University in a job I really enjoy with a team of great people who lift my spirits during the working week. You spend most of your time with your workmates so that’s importsnt to get along and have fun as well as work hard together.

I came out of a 6 years relationship around a year ago now and it’s been tough and an emotional rollercoaster. I then met someone on plenty of fish rather quickly and dated him for 5 months before realising he was too immature and not the guy I wanted to be with. To be honest he made me realise I really missed my ex but then he had moved on and it was too late…and still is. So I’ve been single properly again since January 2015 – new year new start and all that.

Online dating world

It’s been interesting that’s for sure on plenty of fish and tinder. I’ve dated 2 guys this year – a couple of months each – and then found out they don’t want relationships at the moment, the most recent being yesterday! So I’m still feeling led on and disappointed and angry about it all. On top of the feelings I can’t get rid of for my ex I feel a complete mess at the moment and don’t know what to do! Where and how do I meet a decent guy who doesn’t lead me on?! When I go out I meet younger guys and I’m such a drunk I don’t remember meeting anyone anyways and online is just weird so far and I don’t tend to chat to someone for too long on there.

I think that’s long enough for my first blog as an intro in me and my life. I’m going to meet a friend this evening which is much needed and can’t wait for a catch up and to get out of the house after a week of illness and being house bound. Woo!

C xoxo