So it’s rare im in alone on weekend nights but tonight it’s happening. I have my dog this weekend (who I share with my ex) so that’s why I’m in but also because friends are busy doing other things which means I can’t chat to anyone right now which is making me feel worse so I’m letting all my thoughts out here.
The past few weeks, as you will read from my last blog, have been a lot better for me and I’ve concentrated on planning things and looking forward. However the last few days I have struggled again, perhaps I’ll always experience these waves for a while, who knows?! I wish a year and a month later I could forget and stop reminicising but I can’t, even when I have someone else who really likes me around. I’m finding it so hard to forgive myself and so hard to forget the nearly 6 years we had together, it’s so damn hard!
I’ve had quite a few dates with M now and he’s so lovely. Last weekend we went for tapas and then met with mutual friends who are a couple for drinks. It was such a nice evening and he asked me to be his girlfriend, obviously face to face I had to say yes but I wanted to aswell, I was really happy in that moment and it felt right, although we’ve only kissed a few times. Now I’m just waiting for us to move it to that next step and each day and date that passes more pressure is added and my interest will start to go unless it happens soon. I feel myself holding back and not completing opening up even though I should with him but it’s not happening and I do think it’s down to us not moving onto that next step. Tomorrow is the best opportunity we would’ve had so fingers crossed it happens finally! I’ll keep you updated. I’ve also removed POF and tinder from my phone as it was annoying me anyways with the losers on there but I feel I don’t need it now I’m with someone, I just hope I can move on with him as he is the perfect guy for me. I just need to really believe it deep down and somehow move on. How can I help myself move on?!