Saturday night struggles

So it’s rare im in alone on weekend nights but tonight it’s happening. I have my dog this weekend (who I share with my ex) so that’s why I’m in but also because friends are busy doing other things which means I can’t chat to anyone right now which is making me feel worse so I’m letting all my thoughts out here.

The past few weeks, as you will read from my last blog, have been a lot better for me and I’ve concentrated on planning things and looking forward. However the last few days I have struggled again, perhaps I’ll always experience these waves for a while, who knows?! I wish a year and a month later I could forget and stop reminicising but I can’t, even when I have someone else who really likes me around. I’m finding it so hard to forgive myself and so hard to forget the nearly 6 years we had together, it’s so damn hard! 

  
I’ve had quite a few dates with M now and he’s so lovely. Last weekend we went for tapas and then met with mutual friends who are a couple for drinks. It was such a nice evening and he asked me to be his girlfriend, obviously face to face I had to say yes but I wanted to aswell, I was really happy in that moment and it felt right, although we’ve only kissed a few times. Now I’m just waiting for us to move it to that next step and each day and date that passes more pressure is added and my interest will start to go unless it happens soon. I feel myself holding back and not completing opening up even though I should with him but it’s not happening and I do think it’s down to us not moving onto that next step. Tomorrow is the best opportunity we would’ve had so fingers crossed it happens finally! I’ll keep you updated. I’ve also removed POF and tinder from my phone as it was annoying me anyways with the losers on there but I feel I don’t need it now I’m with someone, I just hope I can move on with him as he is the perfect guy for me. I just need to really believe it deep down and somehow move on. How can I help myself move on?!

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Looking forwards and smiling…

Looking forwards is tough but must be done to move on and be happy. Sorry for the radio silence lately. I’ve felt slightly happier which is obviously a positive thing for me after the tough year. 
With nyc planning, sunshine and a few dates with the guy I knew from school it’s been a good couple of weeks. I’m proud of myself for booking the trip and even though it’s scary as I’ll spend the first 2-3 days alone I think it’s going to be the best thing I’ve ever done in my life. And why not do it when I might not have another opportunity of solo travelling. I can’t wait to see my friend after 8 years too when I meet up with her for the last 4 days. Broadway, sightseeing, cocktails, shopping and fun times! 40 days… Countdown! Now the challenge to save up and hopefully I’ll get lots of dollars for my birthday to spend.

Dating-wise I’ve had 3 dates with M and it’s really nice. I’ve debated with myself whether I’m ready for a full blown relationship as I think it will end up going that way but feel I need to give it a go and fully move on. He’s so genuinely nice and honest which is so refreshing and we get on well and he gets on well with my dog. He’s invited me round to his Saturday daytime with my dog to chill so watch this space…

I’ve also gone from blonde to brunette really and have received lots of compliments from people at work and at home, new identity, new me, new life! 

Any tips on nyc solo travelling would be appreciated 🙂 xoxo