When will I be “someone special” to someone?

That’s the question that’s really been on my mind the last 24 hours more than ever. The reason being is that I thought I’d text a guy I had a night of fun with from a short while ago and he replied saying the reason he hasn’t been in touch is because he’s met someone special. Why couldn’t I have been that someone special and he give me that chance to be?!

Thinking back over 2015 it’s happened so much where guys want to date me and we have a great time but they don’t want a relationship. If they really like me as they say they do and enjoy my company etc then why can’t we try and be in a relationship? I really don’t understand guys. I’ll be 30 next step and time isn’t slowing down at all, it’s flying by, I feel I don’t have time to waste. 

I want to meet someone special. Someone that will make me forget about memories of my ex and my feelings for him. Someone that will hug me and make me feel safe. Someone that will kiss my forehead and that will tell me he cares. Someone who isn’t afraid of his feelings. Someone that will realise I am pretty special and would do anything for the right person.

I just can’t see it happening and as each day goes by and especially after every idiot I meet my hopes are fading, I really can’t imagine meeting him, the one who will make me happy again and make me understand why I’ve been through all of this and such a tough break up over a year ago.

Til then I guess I’ll continue to try and meet decent guys, who knows what could happen, I just hope it’s all for the positive as I can’t take much more hurt and sadness…

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Waves of emotion

It’s been nearly a month since I last wrote. That’s mainly because work has been so busy and I’ve been doing really well, I feel I’m putting my all into my career at the moment and it’s paying off with my next promotion now due in January hopefully. The next month again will be hectic and important for me but it’s a good distraction.

I’m nearly back to square one on the love life front. R is still in my life and we are messaging lots but that’s all it is really, he’s been travelling for work lately so we will see when he’s back next month if we actually have a date finally rather than a drunken fumble. L I’ve not forgiven really since he cancelled on me and was with his mates not his family, I want someone who feels lucky to be with me so he’s a waste of space!

Since then I met someone on pof, ok he was younger and lives a bit far away but I gave it a go as he was lovely and different to the usuals online. We met half way and spent the day shopping, had lunch etc and I felt comfortable with him. But he’s had a troubled past and it showed with how he spoke to me over message sometimes and he shocked me at the weekend with his words so I’ve decided not to pursue that.

So now I nearly have a clean slate. I’ve decided to go on a date with someone who I have mutual friends with but haven’t met before. We live only a couple of minutes drive from eachother so that’s good but he is 6 years younger and has a young daughter, he’s so hot though so why not?! I haven’t had a really fun cocktail date in a while. Hope his hotness doesn’t throw me off though haha. That’s on Friday so wish me luck.

In other news I’ve been on sleeping tablets and anti depressants for nearly 3 weeks now and have my follow up doctors appointment on Friday afternoon. It’s hard to tell if they’ve helped or not yet as my emotions still come in waves and I’ve been distracted lots with work and going away with friends etc which helps a lot. I just want to meet someone that makes me feel special and who I adore so I can forget about my ex.