Opening up and facing the truth

So tomorrow my counselling sessions begin. I’m nervous, really nervous. Nervous about opening up, being honest, getting upset, opening wounds, facing things I have avoided for a year and half and not knowing if this will be worthwhile for me. I really hate showing my emotions and always act tough and have a smile on my face so tomorrow will be really difficult for me.

I’m really missing caring about someone and having someone truly care for me. I want to find that again and for it to be real. I just can’t see it happening. 

I’ll update on my counselling session shortly. Wish me luck xoxo

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Needing to move on

 It’s been nearly a year and half since my ex L and I broke up. He has his one year anniversary with his girlfriend at the weekend which was tough. I can’t believe how quick that time has gone but also can’t believe they’re still together. Now they’ve just booked a holiday to America and are going to Vegas which was a special place for L and I so I’m hurting he is now taking her there as I never thought he would because of the memories we had there. It sucks!

I found this quote tonight and it is completely perfect for me right now. I miss all and I miss our life together. I miss the closeness and him being my best friend who I felt myself around. I’m finding it so hard to be happy and love myself and keep going out and getting drunk and meeting random guys. I long to meet someone who will love me for me and someone I can have fun with…where is this guy?!

My hope is fading to be honest and I’m at the point I can’t imagine meeting someone and being able to move on completely. I want it to happen though, I really do.