Turning a corner…

That’s right, my life has turned a positive corner for a number of reasons lately. I wish my grandma was here to share everything with but I know she’s looking down on me and smiling me and supporting me alon with my grandad. So what’s happened?!

House

Yes I’ve finally found my own place. Last Saturday I viewed it and I made my decision five minutes after leaving the viewing. I move in less than two weeks now, how exciting?! My own cute house with a lovely garden. My parents have been extremely supportive and generous during this process and have bought me new items for my house and given me money so I can afford to furnish the place with new items rather than second hand which I thought would be happening. I’ve needed my own space for a while now and after living back at home for just over two years the time has come, I honestly was worrying it wouldn’t happen then it happens so quickly. I couldn’t be happier. I’m packing now and surrounded by flat pack furniture boxes and boxes of my things, too exciting! I hope Charlie, my dog, will love the new place. The garden is perfect for him and safely enclosed so I’m sure he will. I just hope he settles quickly.

Love

I’ve been on two dates with a guy called Lee. We bonded over a mutual love of a band from our childhood online and met a few days later. He’s confident, hilarious, sarcastic, cute and hot…so far he seems like the guy I’ve been hoping to meet. We’ve had two fun dates and have our third tomorrow. I can’t wait to see him and he just messaged to say he’s looking forward to tomorrow and can’t wait to see me. I’m liking this one and we have a spark and I’ve got a really good feeling. Fingers and toes crossed for Lee and I! Also he lives less than a few minutes drive from my new house. Meant to be?! We shall see… I’m enjoying getting to know him before we have sex too.

Work

After being promoted again in April I’ve done well. Last week I managed my women’s executive programme also and did a great job. I’ve received a lot of positive feedback from everyone also so I’m happy. There’s a potential chance of a manager’s job b coming vacant in the next month or so also and my director is suggesting I go for it. I would never have thought about it just yet, maybe a year’s time but she’s given me the confidence to think I can do it and why not go for the interview?! She’s supporting me and will update me when she knows more about the potential vacancy.

So all in all it’s been positive for me and I’ve actually cried a few times from happiness and genuine happiness. I haven’t felt like this in so long, I literally cannot remember when I felt like this. It’s an odd feeling but a great one and one I want to hold on to. I’ll keep you updated! xoxo

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Lay off the alcohol

I’m sure everyone thinks this at this time of year after the festive period and socialness of it all but I’m thinking in general. I feel I’ve been relying on alcohol a lot to make me temporarily happy but I binge drink and always get sooo drunk I don’t remember most of my fun nights out. Then I have a 2 day hangover and sore feet! I’m not saying at nearly 30 I’m too old to keep doing this at all as I’m not but maybe I need to cut back. Also the amount I’m spending I could be saving towards my place I want sometime this year.

I need to start thinking of priorities. I need to find other ways of having fun without getting wrecked.

I have so many thoughts going through my head…due to many reasons but including:

  • It’s a new year and I need to make some changes in my life…small but still changes that will lead to big changes eventually to better myself and my life
  • Need to sort out my debt issues and start saving and paying them off more than I am
  • I’m currently ill with a chest infection and possible pneumonia so I’ve got plenty of time to think
  • I want to make my parents and family proud of me in all aspects of my life and prove I have my shit together once again

I’m feeling positive that I can do this so hopefully this thought stays with me! All of these will help me with my depression and help me to learn to love myself again then who knows maybe I’ll meet the right guy who will truly love me…here’s to 2016! 

Opening up and facing the truth

So tomorrow my counselling sessions begin. I’m nervous, really nervous. Nervous about opening up, being honest, getting upset, opening wounds, facing things I have avoided for a year and half and not knowing if this will be worthwhile for me. I really hate showing my emotions and always act tough and have a smile on my face so tomorrow will be really difficult for me.

I’m really missing caring about someone and having someone truly care for me. I want to find that again and for it to be real. I just can’t see it happening. 

I’ll update on my counselling session shortly. Wish me luck xoxo

Weekend escapades and upcoming date

So I’ve given up on pro golfer, he’s been a bit weird too which confirmed my thoughts. Shame as we got along well over whatsapp but no point dwelling over it…

At the weekend I was out with a friend and a guy I’ve met fairly recently while out was messaging me and said he’d come to meet me when my friend left so I though why not, probably the vodka talking too as it gave me extra confidence! We met and partied the night away and drank the night away too. Somehow I ended up back at his (he lives with his parents so not ideal) and we were extra quiet. Some fun was had then I got a taxi home at 6am, eek! Getting home when the birds are tweeting away is not good lol. We’ve been texting every day since even though he’s abroad for work and he seems really nice, only thing is that he’s 5 years younger hmmm…

Keeping options open I’m meeting with the guy I’ve known since I was about 10, but wasn’t ever too close too, tomorrow. Pretty nervous as I feel there’s a bit more pressure and nerves when it’s someone you kind of know. I need to put those thoughts to the back of my head and just enjoy it though. I’ll provide an update soon! We’re going for a drink locally, hopefully won’t bump into anyone we know from school who will start Chinese whispers lol. Fingers crossed! I’m going to enjoy dating for now and not get hopes up and just see what happens. 

  

Led on…

Starting the day with anger is never good but it’s happened today. I’m still angry about being led on but the recent guy I was seeing but this morning I’ve noticed he’s back on pof and has changed his intent from ‘in a relationship’ to ‘dating but nothing serious’. At least he will be honest with future dates but why did I have to be the one that was led on?! Also he’s deleted me off facebook!

So I haven’t responded to his last message as I was hurt but more annoyed at letting myself get led on again! I really didn’t see it coming with him though as he was the one making plans, wanting to go on holiday and he said he’s been the happiest he’s been. He actually seemed a nice genuine guy. To be honest that was something I was unsure about as thought he was too nice. I know guys can’t win can they?! But how wrong was I?!

  

There’s a possibility I will bump into him at the gym so I’m going to be strong and ignore him as he should’ve messaged me again if he cared at all to see how I was after his revelation but instead he deletes me from his life. Argh!

I’m worried I’m going to really hold back from future dating now and be worried when I should just be able to try and enjoy it. When and where will I meet the one?!

Xoxo