The right fish must be out there somewhere…

I’m still relying on online dating to find me the right match. Do I have hope?…No. So why do I do it? I have no idea! It passes time and I don’t really meet guys any other way apart from a drunken kiss in a bar/club and them being a lot younger than me.

I attract some right weird people, in life and online too, my friends didn’t believe I receive so many odd messages online so I logged in and the first two were…



Seriously?! 99.99999% of the time I get boring ‘hey’ messages or weird messages like the above. Another example:


What is wrong with guys today?! No I do not want to sit on your face all day long, aside from that being uncomfortable for you I have things to do plus you’re just gross!

I’ve changed my age range I search in now to 29-35 (I’m now 30) as I know I need to stop finding younger guys, it always happens, I’d like to meet a hot mature guy who knows what he wants in life. Apparently that’s way too much to ask for and he doesn’t seem to exist but I have to have a tiny bit of hope right?! It’s not like I’m expecting to meet anyone now and I feel I have a guard up from dealing with arseholes, I just hope my turn to be happy with someone comes sometime soon…

Life is funny, it scares me as you don’t know what’s around the corner – good or bad – and it’s been a bumpy year. I thought it’d be my year but now I have to hope 2017 will be. My 30s will be my decade!

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Memories

It’s the memories and adventures that keep reminding me of how I felt at that moment in time and with my ex L. It’s been a year and a half now and it just doesn’t get much easier. He drove past me the other day and waved and I just broke down, something so simple can have such an effect on me.

It’s a new year and I’ve generally been feeling positive, even though I’ve been diagnosed with a chest infection but at least it’s not pneumonia like the doctor thought it could be originally, so even though I’ve been bed ridden the first week of the new year and signed off work with time to think I’ve actually been fairly positive. I’ve thought about holidays this year, days out, events and I’ve begun filling in my 2016 diary. But then a memory creeps in and it takes me back and makes me feel sad.

Something I’ve realised also is that because I did a lot with L and I spent 6 years with him he’s been most of my adult life as we met when 21/22 most of my experiences and best times have been with him. I’m worried this can affect dating and moving on as I obviously talk about places I’ve been, holidays I’ve been on, things I’ve done and they ask who I did that with etc and I say with my ex. But I suppose at this age people need to expect that.

I’m 30 this year, it’s a big year for me. I really want to find my own place but it’s so expensive around here and with a dog half the time it makes it incredibly difficult but I am determined. Once I know my new pay after my promotion is approved I’ll do a plan money wise and save and see what I can realistically afford so I can still do things too. In my own place I’d do a lot more in though too saving me money as I’d have my own space and can have friends, and dates, around for movie nights and drinks and games etc. I really want to make this happen this year. I have 8 months until I’m 30 to make this a reality.

In 2015 I’m proud of myself for not shutting myself away, for seeking medical help and counselling for depression and anxiety, for traveling to New York on my own and for continuing to battle on. 2016 I want to be my year and I want to look back on this at the end of the year and realise how much further I’ve come.

Here’s to trying to make new memories that won’t feature L and thinking about my new memories I’ll make this year and beyond…

Welcome to my blogging world

This is my first blog! The reason for creating a blog is to see if it helps me put my feelings and thoughts somewhere in a regular basis rather than bottle them up. I’m the type of person that comes across as string but then has a lot of layers of sadness hidden away. I hate showing sad emotions and do not want to worry people or to get pity from people. I know that isn’t very healthy but that’s me!

This blog will also feature lots of random thoughts and experiences from my daily life so I hope it will be entertaining and something that some people can relate to and create discussion/comments.

All about me

So a little bit about me as it’s my first blog. I am 28 years of age and I live in a small village just outside of Oxford City centre. I work for the University in a job I really enjoy with a team of great people who lift my spirits during the working week. You spend most of your time with your workmates so that’s importsnt to get along and have fun as well as work hard together.

I came out of a 6 years relationship around a year ago now and it’s been tough and an emotional rollercoaster. I then met someone on plenty of fish rather quickly and dated him for 5 months before realising he was too immature and not the guy I wanted to be with. To be honest he made me realise I really missed my ex but then he had moved on and it was too late…and still is. So I’ve been single properly again since January 2015 – new year new start and all that.

Online dating world

It’s been interesting that’s for sure on plenty of fish and tinder. I’ve dated 2 guys this year – a couple of months each – and then found out they don’t want relationships at the moment, the most recent being yesterday! So I’m still feeling led on and disappointed and angry about it all. On top of the feelings I can’t get rid of for my ex I feel a complete mess at the moment and don’t know what to do! Where and how do I meet a decent guy who doesn’t lead me on?! When I go out I meet younger guys and I’m such a drunk I don’t remember meeting anyone anyways and online is just weird so far and I don’t tend to chat to someone for too long on there.

I think that’s long enough for my first blog as an intro in me and my life. I’m going to meet a friend this evening which is much needed and can’t wait for a catch up and to get out of the house after a week of illness and being house bound. Woo!

C xoxo