When will I be “someone special” to someone?

That’s the question that’s really been on my mind the last 24 hours more than ever. The reason being is that I thought I’d text a guy I had a night of fun with from a short while ago and he replied saying the reason he hasn’t been in touch is because he’s met someone special. Why couldn’t I have been that someone special and he give me that chance to be?!

Thinking back over 2015 it’s happened so much where guys want to date me and we have a great time but they don’t want a relationship. If they really like me as they say they do and enjoy my company etc then why can’t we try and be in a relationship? I really don’t understand guys. I’ll be 30 next step and time isn’t slowing down at all, it’s flying by, I feel I don’t have time to waste. 

I want to meet someone special. Someone that will make me forget about memories of my ex and my feelings for him. Someone that will hug me and make me feel safe. Someone that will kiss my forehead and that will tell me he cares. Someone who isn’t afraid of his feelings. Someone that will realise I am pretty special and would do anything for the right person.

I just can’t see it happening and as each day goes by and especially after every idiot I meet my hopes are fading, I really can’t imagine meeting him, the one who will make me happy again and make me understand why I’ve been through all of this and such a tough break up over a year ago.

Til then I guess I’ll continue to try and meet decent guys, who knows what could happen, I just hope it’s all for the positive as I can’t take much more hurt and sadness…

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NYC, new beginnings…

oops so I haven’t written in a while, I really want to keep up with this but it’s hard when my feelings are so up and down I find. So NYC was a great experience, it made me realise I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship though so I ended things with M when I got back, he’s so lovely so it’s such a shame but it’s not right. If I’m still thinking of my ex when with him then he’s obviously not the one so I’ll just be strong and patient until the one sweeps me off my feet and I stop thinking about my ex like that!

I rejoined the world of online dating as it’s a good distraction and even though it’s annoying a lot of the time it can be funny and you can meet the odd half decent guy who you can have a conversation with. I also met someone who is selling me my new car, which I collect in 2 weeks – exciting, and there’s something about him I really like and could see myself falling for him but he’s 6 years younger and I have a feeling I’ll get hurt. I’m being careful but don’t want to not try because I’m too scared. We ended up spending the night together last wk and had a date this wk which was really nice just relaxing watching films. I don’t know what it is about him but I feel I could really like him and that terrifies me…

I’ve decided to seriously look into finding my own little 1 bed place in Oxfordshire and it seems there are a few pet friendly places so that’s made me feel positive, now all I need to do it work out my money plan to see what is realistically affordable. I hope to move early 2016 ideally. Will keep you updated.

Also my next promotion at work is likely to be half a year or more sooner than expected, very exciting. Pay rise next month then promotion in a few months. Work is making me feel positive too. Now to transfer that to my personal life…2016 will be my year I’ve got a good feeling…

Dating update

So I’ve been talking to someone from Bournemouth for nearly 2 months now and we met on POF and then swapped numbers so mainly chat over whatsapp. I drunkenly called him last weekend and spoke to him too! Oops! Bad times on my part…

We’ve decided to meet up in Basingstoke next Wednesday evening for dinner. I’m so nervous and do have the feeling of what’s the point to be honest due to distance. He seems so lovely and we always have lots to chat about but being an hour and 45 minutes away when we both have fairly busy lives and he works some weekends could be difficult. I like the spontaneous ‘can I come round for a couple of hours’ messages etc and I know I won’t get that with him. But I feel I may be missing an opportunity if I don’t go as he could be the one I’m looking for, who knows…I think I will just go but can’t help the doubts which I’m sure everyone has and I’m sure nerves has a big part to play in my doubts too!

Also I matched with someone on Tinder that I knew from school but haven’t seen in about 10 years. He’s still local, we were never close at school but had mutual friends and grew up in the same village so I’ve known him probably since I was about 11. I always thought he was quite good looking so thought why not I’ll swipe right and then when I logged in last night there was a match and a message from him. He asked to meet up so I’m deciding whether that’s a good idea too at the moment.

  
There are options out there but I’m just not overly thrilled for some reason. Perhaps it’s because I need to learn to love myself first like the picture says as that is something I struggle with. How can I do that though?! Maybe booking a holiday to nyc to visit friends will be a first step to taking time out and spending a couple of days on my own exploring a new city and a new me and working out who that is and then staying with friends for a few days to reconnect and discuss the old times.